The Low Carb Luxury Online Magazine 

    September 3, 2003    PAGE NINE      
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 Meeting The Challenge
 Defense Against the Dark Arts


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          Defense Against The Dark Arts

                                        "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look
                                              at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
                                                                      Sirius Black

With our August 8th issue, we began a new series by Laura Poole Ruffner. (If the name seems eerily close to my own, it's because Laura is my daughter-in-law.) Laura is 29 years old and holds a B.A. in Communications from Newberry College. She's also a dedicated low carber (since September 2000) and is an avid Harry Potter fan.

Laura began working on ways to keep carbs, temptation, and sabotage at bay some time ago. And as she did so, it was quite natural for her to begin referring to her strategies as her "Defenses against the Dark Arts" which all Potter fans will relate to. With each issue, "Professor" Laura shares more of her good sense strategies and have a little magical fun with it at the same time. And so it continues... (insert sound of ancient book opening, the pages crackling...)


Chapter Three

In this lesson we will look at the benefits of those wonderful things that grow forth from the vine and from the earth. I'm talking about vegetables. Vegetables are a true friend of the low-carb witch and wizard. They are versatile and nutritious weapons against the dreaded Dark Carbs.

Below you will find a few examples of some excellent Herbologistic weapons. And again in this lesson, we will provide translations for you Muggles out there.

     Herb:    Muggle Translation:
  Broccolitium  Broccoli
  Cabbosatus  Cabbage
  Spinasa  Spinach
  Cauliflora  Cauliflower
  Cucumbria  Cucumber
  Zucchinia  Zucchini
  Lettucinoma  Lettuce
  Greencoma Beanomi  Green Beans

Any of the above Herbs are a welcome addition to your low-carb defense arsenal. There are many Potions (see Chapter 2) that use the above ingredients and make wonderful dishes. Below is a magically delicious example.

Hashed-Brown Zucchinia

  • 1/4 cup Butteronius
  • 1 1/2 lb Zucchinia (coarsely shredded to make 4 cups)
  • 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1/2 clove fresh Garlic - finely minced
  • 2 Chicken orbs
  • 6 Tbsp Parmesan cheese - freshly grated is best
Hashed-Brown Zucchinia Combine Zucchinia with salt in a medium-size bowl. Let stand for 15 minutes.

Squeeze with your hands to press out moisture. Stir in chicken orbs, bovinious and garlic. Melt 2 Tbsp of the Butteronius in a wide frying pan over medium-high heat. Mound about 2 Tbsp of the zucchinia mixture in pan; flatten slightly to make a patty.

Repeat until pan is filled. Do not crowd patties in pan. Cook patties, turning once, until golden on both sides (about 6 minutes.)

Lift out and arrange on a warm platter; keep warm. Repeat to cook remaining Zucchinia mixture, adding more Butteronius as needed.

Serves 8
Less than 3 carbs per serving.

This potion is particularly effective in defending oneself against the dreaded and dangerous Sphere of Darkness or Potato. There is a similar Potion used with these Spheres of Darkness that is used by Dark Lords. Although these Spheres come from the earth, they are not for use by honorable witches and wizards. They are a powerful weapon by Dark Lords. In some cases, simply a whiff of these Spheres fried in butter or oil can be debiliating. Once sharp thwack of your wand and you can defend yourself nicely.

Now go practice including Herbology in your defensive spells. They are delicious and nutritious weapons!

Until next time,
Practice, Practice, Practice!

Professor L.P. Ruffner, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at The Low-Lux School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Copyright © September 2003  L.P. Ruffner and Low Carb Luxury


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