The Low Carb Luxury Online Magazine 

    August 8, 2003    PAGE EIGHT      
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          Defense Against The Dark Arts

                                                         "Humans have a knack for choosing precisely
                                              the things that are worst for them."

With this issue, we begin a new series by Laura Poole Ruffner. If the name seems eerily close to my own, it's because Laura is my daughter-in-law. Laura is 29 years old and holds a B.A. in Communications from Newberry College. She's also a dedicated low carber (since September 2000) and is an avid Harry Potter fan.

Laura began working on ways to keep carbs, temptation, and sabotage at bay some time ago. And as she did so, it was quite natural for her to begin referring to her strategies as her "Defenses against the Dark Arts" which all Potter fans will relate to. With each issue, "Professor" Laura will share more of her good sense strategies and have a little magical fun with it at the same time. And so it begins... (insert sound of ancient book opening, the pages crackling...)

Chapter One

What does a low-carb wizard do when faced with carb tempatations or worse a spell from a Dark Lord of carb laden foods? You arm yourself with a counter spell and send them whirling into OBLIVION!!

I'm sure you all know a Dark Lord... One whose sole purpose is to curse your WOE. These dark forces loom in even the most unassuming of places. One might even be lurking in your own home!

These Dark forces cast curses onto a person. Such curses are spells that are intended to cause harm to another. And it's this intention to do harm that places those spells into the realm of the Dark Arts.

Today's lesson looks at three curses and counter-curses that may be the most common.

C U R S E :
Cheat-aliarmus  =   This exceptionally evil curse drains your will and causes you to crave a Snickers bar.

C O U N T E R - C U R S E :
Power-ictusempra!  =   This counter curse sends your opponent spinning backwards from the logic that sugar will kill you! Once you inflict this curse, a delicious Pure Delight Dark Chocolate candy bar magically appears in your hand for you to enjoy!


C U R S E :
Potato-lohomora  =   This curse comes in the form of a bag of fresh McDonalds french fries just opened by your evil Dark Arts co-worker. This one can be exceptionally crippling, in that it opens the lock on the part of your brain that normally would never be tempted by such things.

C O U N T E R - C U R S E :
Engorgio-stomaticus  =   This counter curse causes ones opponent to swell in size by at least 1 pound and magically a bag of Carb Sense Tortilla Chips and your favorite dip appears ready for consumption.


C U R S E :
Imperio-carbosentia  =   This curse enables the one inflicting it to make you eat anything they want you to. This is most akin to a peer-pressure curse in that your willpower is disabled and you are driven to eat your most favorite of all foods, such as Chocolate Pound Cake.

This curse in an unforgivable one as it sets you back for days, and is difficult to recover from.

C O U N T E R - C U R S E :
Expelliarmus-carbosa/Accio-legallius  =   This counter curse has two parts. You must be quick with this counter curse. You need to be of strong mind and will to be able to overcome it, but it can be done.

When performed correctly, "Expelliarmus-carbosa" will cause the cursed food to fly out of your hands. Then follow with "Accio-legallius" to summon an warm Atkins Chocolate brownie with cream cheese chocolate icing to appear.

Relax in knowing that you have disarmed your opponent and remained in control once again!

Your homework is to practice these counter-curses so that you remain prepared and on the ready for the Dark Lords' curses!!

Until our next lesson...

Professor L.P. Ruffner, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at The Low-Lux School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

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